2004 Playoffs Special Report

Commissioner's Note: Last season's Super Bowl champion, Vick's Vagines, correctly predicted the outcome of each and every playoff game last season. Here's the link in case you forgot. Due to his success at prognostication, the league has invited him back in 2004 to see what he has to say about this year's playoffs.   It's that time again, now that the undercard of last week has chimed in with their two cents worth of BULLSHIT, for the real prognosticator to dominate the taunts like he does the league. Where to start?   Let's see...   The Fat Ass - Well done again. I think at this point they are simply out of excuses, let's just go with "they suck" and good luck next year.   P.O.B's Limp Dicks - In his defense, he did lead the league in points against. Did anyone take the time to look at points scored? 8th. Last time I checked this wasn't about defense, it is about scoring. 7 teams scored more than you and at least 1 of the 2 that didn't should be thrown out of the league for patheticism.   I'm the Chisel Grammy - Surprise to anyone? The leader of chisels, get's the end of the season chisel. The one team he needed to win, played the 1 team that nobody could beat in week 13.   Joe Somebody's Brown Star - Are you kidding? Get rid of this lip. He sells out every year. Have some self respect. Win or go home.   Playoff Time:   BlowJob Delight vs. Hawk & soon to Roll the Steins in your week 1 feature game. Did anyone look at the matchup's? Dipshit Delight is loaded this week on paper. But wait a minute, this champion from 1974 has yet to prove he can win in this new ERA. I don't care what he has on paper, some teams are born champions, others like the Delight's never will be. See you next year.   Fightin Priests vs. Los Pendejos. Hhhmmm, good idea naming your team after a guy with a season ending knee injury. Don't worry, we all learn that lesson once. We will waive your first experience and possibly next year you will learn not to name your team this way. The Pukes will have plenty of time to think about it since they are done after Sunday. Somehow, someway, Los Pendejos will weasel a win.   Round 2:   The Dream match up....   The Steins vs. Hawk & Roll. Anyone remember that 112-68 drubbing from last year's Superbowl? I can think of 2 stiffs that do. Or at least 1 and his half size stiff partner. Sorry this game comes a week earlier than expected, but Randy and Clinton have been out the last 6 weeks. Good thing they return just in time for Peyton's Hairpies. This one will be close, the Hawk's are just hitting their stride as you've all come to know at playoff time. Anyone every notice how this team scores 120 PPG in the playoffs and only 93 PPG in the regular season? Because the regular season doesn't matter. This week 2 match up is the only game of the year that matters. The Steins will overthink there matchups this week, some of the best regular season GM's in the league, but the playoffs are different. Ray Lewis will have the last say in this one. Hawks by 14.   Anillos vs. E-Z Win. Let's hope for this game just to see the Open Letter Part Deux for the year. It's a coin toss in this one, the Anillo's will scratch to keep it close, but as long as E-Z remembers to call in a lineup he should sqeauk it out. This team is just too loaded at the top and the Anillos just don't have the firepower to defend.   Super Bowl:   Hawks vs. E-Z Lip. Experience prevails here. Arizona D loves Alexander and Moss loves Culpepper. Shutting down the big two is the key. That, and Savant playing WR games and being wrong doesn't hurt either. Trent Green vs. OAK, Portis at Dallas, Moss vs. whoever.....Sorry Savant, the matchups just aren't in your favor this year. Another bridesmaid season for you.....   Well folks, there you have it, the playoffs in a nutshell for those that can't wait three more weeks to see me crowned again. Take some time to think about it this offseason, try to put together a team that gels come playoff time. Do you think the point outburst last week was a fluke or by design? I will send you the blueprint if you want, or you can see it in person next September when I draft another championship season.   Here's my lineup that I will be starting Weeks 14, 15, and 16. How many of you have the balls to list your roster right here and now?   QB Green RB Barber RB Portis WR Wayne WR Moulds WR Horn WR R. Moss K J. Brown D/ST New England   Until next year.....   Randy