WEEK NINE REPORT     "How does it feel to have a 64 point lead heading into Monday night and still be nervous?" That was the question the owner of Randy's Rocket asked Scott's ... Savants the day of the final game. And what a final game it was! For the Savants, it must have been a living nightmare to watch - and we all know they were watching! - Emmitt, Randy, and Jeff George administer the greatest Monday Night Chisel in the history of our league. Another incredible story occurred in the league this week, as T.T.M.F.N. recorded their highest scoring output of the season. With possibly the worst all-time starting backfield I have ever seen, T.T.M.F.N. broke the century mark with a 105 point performance. (Sidenote: T.T.M.F.N. still lost the game and fell to 1-8 on the year)    Feature game of the week Randy's Rocket (8-1) defeated Scott's "All They Know How To Do Is Score" Savants (6-3), 111-102. Scoring a record 73 points on Monday night, Randy's Rocket blasted past the Savants and now have a commanding lead in the race for the Lip Conference title. By winning, Randy's Rocket pulled off a regular season sweep of the Savants, and now needs to win only 2 of their remaining 4 games to clinch both the Lip Conference championship and best overall record. It was a bitter loss for the Savants, who are desperately trying to qualify for the playoffs for their first time. One more win should get them into the postseason, but their next four games will be tough - especially if they continue to start stiffs like Tony Gonzales (tight end on a rushing team), Tory Holt (the best "fifth option" in the NFL), and Troy Edwards (possibly related to Greasy Edwards).   Here are the rest of the results for Week Nine:     White Chocolate (5-4) defeated T.T.M.F.N. (1-8), 133-105. What is it going to take for T.T.M.F.N. to get another win? Possibly a miracle, because they will not score over 100 points again this year! With a 1-8 record and only 591 points through the first nine weeks, they are in serious danger of setting new single-season records for futility. In 1998, Up Your Butt Jo-Boo (986 points) & Rais'n the Rueff (1,074 points) finished with 3-10 regular season records. White Chocolate is on the opposite side of the spectrum, having just posted the highest point total of the season. Even at 5-4, they are a serious contender to win it all.   Jo-Boo's Browns Backers (5-3-1) defeated St. Johns Ragin' Amies (4-5), 111-88. The Backers are all alone atop the Hair Conference standings after this victory, while the Amies dropped to 3rd place in the conference. It will be interesting to see if the Browns Backers can hold onto their slim lead, especially since they just "gave away" RBs Emmitt Smith & Charlie Garner and WRs Derrick Mayes & Frank Sanders. All they got in return was another concussion-prone player to go along with Steve Young and Michael Irvin. Hey, is Chris Chandler available to pick up? We'll have to wait and see later this week if Aikman's dome is still intact.    The Fat Bus (4-4-1) defeated Chisel Squad (3-6), 92-58.  This was a game both teams desperately needed to win, as possibly only two teams from the Hair Conference will qualify for the postseason. Unfortunately for Chisel Squad, only certain teams (like The Fat Bus) can win with crappy players in their lineups. WRs David Boston and Darnay Scott combined for zero receptions on Sunday, while WR Derrick Alexander managed only 42 receiving yards for Chisel Squad. By winning, The Fat Bus moved into second place in the Hair Conference - which is remarkable considering the numerous injuries they have endured.   P.O.B.'s Pounders (5-4) defeated The Pussy Willows (3-6), 80-77. It took until the final minute of Monday's game, but the Pounders held off a late rally by The Pussy Willows to sweep the season series. At 5-4, the Pounders are only tied for 3rd place in the Lip Conference despite being the highest scoring team in the league. The Pussy Willows dropped another tight game, and four of their losses have come by a combined 11 points! It will take nothing short of a spectacular finish if they want to keep their playoff streak alive.    The trading deadline has now passed, but teams can still drop and add players. It's too bad some teams didn't make any last-minute deals to try and improve their teams for next year. But, what the hell, if owners are happy franchising players next year like Jake Plummer, Tony Martin, and Ricky Watters, I won't complain! And by the way, the aforementioned players are the "best" second franchise players on their respective FFL teams.          I am bitter....and I am The Commish !!