WEEK ELEVEN REPORT

Eleven weeks are in the books with only two regular season weeks remaining. It is officially crunch time! Every team - with the exception of the league's bitch, T.T.M.F.N. - is alive with a chance to make the playoffs. Only Randy's Rocket has clinched a playoff berth. So rather than waste everyone's time with a recap of each game, I figured I would cut to the chase, and outline the playoff picture. But, before I do that, here are the final results for Week Eleven:

The Pussy Willows (5-6) defeated Jo-Boo's Browns Backers (5-5-1), 108-104

St. Johns Ragin' Amies (5-6) defeated The Fat Bus (5-5-1), 92-78

P.O.B.'s Pounders (6-5) defeated T.T.M.F.N. (1-10), 105-84

Chisel Squad (5-6) defeated Scott's ... Savants (6-5), 94-74

White Chocolate (7-4) defeated Randy's Rocket (9-2), 96-58

O.K., a few comments before we examine the playoff race:

1.) St. Johns Ragin' Amies, feel free to pick up a player once in a while. You have made no roster moves all season, yet you inherited your team from Rueff. Hmmm? Not that there is anything wrong with starting crappy players like Hines Ward, or injured players like Yancey Thigpen (declared inactive last Thursday), but perhaps if you picked up a talented free agent, then your opponents wouldn't use those players to kick your ass every week.

2.) Would someone please administer the Heimlich manuever on Scott's "All They Know How To Do Is Score" Savants? It's ubearable watching them blow their 6-2 start... not.

3.) Did I read the box score correctly this week, or did The Fat Bus really start WR Irving Fryar this week? And I thought Rueff used to make bad decisions! Too bad for The Bus, as Terrence Wilkins was scoring on deep bombs, while Fryar was taking Geritol on the sidelines in between plays.

4.) T.T.M.F.N. needs to win some sort of cash prize this year if he finishes 1-12. That is one heck of feat! I swear to the good Lord above, even if I tried my hardest to have the worst fantasy squad imaginable, I'd still win at least two games (I play Jo-Boo & The Bus every year...tadow!).

5.) The Lip Conference has dominated the Hair Conference this year in interleague games, winning 16 out of 21 games. Also, the Lips lead in overall scoring by 475 points. It'll be interesting to see how many teams make the playoffs from the Hair Conference, when currently no team in the conference has a winning record. Conversely, four teams in the Lip Conference are above .500 after Week Eleven.

Playoff Summary

Team	Record	What they need to have happen to qualify...
Randy's Rocket	9-2	nothing, they already clinched REMAINING OPPONENTS: Jo-Boo's Browns Backers, The Pussy Willows
White Chocolate	7-4	there's only one possible way they won't get in, and that is if they lose their final two games AND The Pussy Willows win their final two games REMAINING OPPONENTS: P.O.B.'s Pounders, Scott's ... Savants
P.O.B.'s Pounders	6-5	they need to win just one of their final two games OR have all of the following teams lose at least one game: The Pussy Willows, Chisel Squad, St. Johns Ragin' Amies REMAINING OPPONENTS: White Chocolate, St. Johns Ragin' Amies
Scott's ... Savants	6-5	they need to win just one of their final two games OR have all of the following teams lose at least one game: The Pussy Willows, Chisel Squad, St. Johns Ragin' Amies REMAINING OPPONENTS: The Fat Bus, White Chocolate
The Fat Bus	5-5-1	they need to win both of their final games OR win one of their final games coupled with a loss by both St. Johns Ragin' Amies and Chisel Squad REMAINING OPPONENTS: Scott's ... Savants, Jo-Boo's Browns Backers
Jo-Boo's Browns Backers	5-5-1	they need to win both of their final games OR win one of their final games coupled with a loss by both St. Johns Ragin' Amies and Chisel Squad REMAINING OPPONENTS: Randy's Rocket, The Fat Bus
St. Johns Ragin' Amies	5-6	they need to win both of their final two games AND have two of the following three teams lose at least one game: Chisel Squad, The Fat Bus, Jo-Boo's Browns Backers REMAINING OPPONENTS: T.T.M.F.N., P.O.B.'s Pounders
The Pussy Willows	5-6	they need to win both of their final two games AND have either Scott's ... Savants, P.O.B.'s Pounders, OR White Chocolate lose both of their final two games. REMAINING OPPONENTS: Chisel Squad, Randy's Rocket
Chisel Squad	5-6	they need to win both of their final two games AND have two of the following three teams lose at least one game: St. Johns Ragin' Amies, The Fat Bus, Jo-Boo's Browns Backers REMAINING OPPONENTS: The Pussy Willows, T.T.M.F.N.

Of course, their are a few more complex scenarios that I omitted from the above summary since it would take an actuary to figure out perfectly, but the basic needs of all teams fighting to make the playoffs is displayed.

One final note, I will most likely be out of town from Wednesday through Sunday afternoon, so for this week only please submit ALL lineups and roster moves to me via phone. The number to call is (503-332-5781).

The Commish