2006
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2006 Week 3 Report

Welcome to the Week Three report! This is usually my favorite report each season because after the third week of play is when I do my lottery team prediction analysis. And by that, I mean I predict which teams will NOT be making the playoffs this year and, therefore, will be lottery teams at next year's draft. But before I do that, here's are the results for Week Three:
 
The Steins (2-1) defeated Special Team (1-2), 136-91. The Steins are back! This was a dominant performance and it should scare the crap out of the majority of owners in the league. Most everyone thought they had a subpar draft in 2006. Week Three they proved otherwise.
 
Bush-Whacked (3-0) defeated P.O.B.'s Pounders (1-2), 114-82. Bush and company are 3-0, with a dominant lead in the Hair Conference. All other teams in their division are a lackluster 1-2.
 
Schwein Fire (1-2) defeated Jo-Boo's Browns Backers (1-2), 107-69. Finally, the Germans win. Well done, Klaus. Maybe they will stick with Ron Dayne all year?
 
Gold Grill (1-2) defeated The Savants (0-3), 69-55. Defense wins championships! Gold Grill hopes so, because that's their best chance to make a run for the ring this season - hold their opponents scoring in check. The Savants... well - more on them below.
 
The Fat Bus (3-0) defeated Old Joe (2-1), 92-83. The Bus rolls on to another victory. They aren't a bad team this year. Sure, they have shitty receivers again, but Eli and their running backs are solid.
 
OK. As part of an annual tradition, I like to use the Week Three mark to predict which teams have very little chance to make the postseason. With one franchise currently winless at 0-3, you know who #1 is going to be!
 
The Savants - They are winless. They are hopeless. They had the worst draft ever. I mean that. They had the worst draft in the history of the league. Their team has no talent save their two franchise RBs, one of which has broken his foot. Let's look at their draft to illustrate my point:
  • 1st Round: Terrell Owens. Broken finger. Drama. Basket case. Not terrible. But very risky selection.
  • 2nd Round: Antonio Gates. Are you kidding me? A tight end in the 2nd round. Wow. 81 yards so far this season. Brilliant.
  • 3rd Round: Joey Galloway. probably their best draft pick so far.
  • 4th Round: Matt Jones. White guy on a running team. Not a terrible pick. But risky. Plus he's injured and scored 0 points this past week.
  • 5th Round: Ruben Droughns. Running back #3 taken before a QB. And this rusher has 59 yards in three weeks. Horrible pick.
  • 6th Round: Michael Vick. Way to go. His 13 points in Week Three guaranteed The Savants the league low for the week.
  • 7th Round: Kurt Warner. As if one bad QB selected in the draft wasn't enough, The Savants make it back-to-back. FYI, Leinart has been named the new starter in Arizona.
  • 8th Round: Carolina. Great job getting the first defense in the draft. Who cares if you have no talent at the skill positions, at least you got the Panthers D?
  • 9th Round: Mark Clayton. He should be good for 25-35 yards every week, should you need that type of production at WR.
  • 10th Round: Travis Taylor. This guy was dropped from The Savants' roster after Week Two. At least they would agree with us how bad this pick was.
  • 11th Round: Kevan Barlow. J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets! Enjoy.
  • 12th Round: Brett Favre. The best QB on this team. Too bad they didn't start him when he went off Week Three.
  • 13th Round: Sammie Parker. Another terrible receiver who was dropped from The Savants' roster after Week Two.
  • 14th Round: Mark Brunell. At least he starts, because I can see him being needed in The Savants lineup before too long.
  • 15th Round: Jay Feely.
  • 16th Round: Roddy White. Why wasn't he dropped too when the other bad receivers were placed on waivers?
  • 17th Round: Matt Stover. The best player on their roster. I won't knock this selection.
  • 18th Round: Maurice Morris. At least they insured Alexander. Too bad last year's MVP broke his foot.
  • 19th Round: Washington.
  • 20th Round: Derrick Ward. Who the fuck is he? I never even heard his name before. Dedric Ward might have been a better pick.
    •  
    OK. So you can see why The Savants are shitty this year. They blew it at the draft. And it looks like once again the league talent committee was right on the money when they predicted The Savants would be the weakest team in the league in 2006 in their 2006 Preseason Rankings.
     
    Jo-Boo's Browns Backers - The lowest scoring team in the league. They are so bad at QB that they started Grossman this past week. Grossman!
     
    P.O.B.'s Pounders - The defending champs you ask? Well, yes! Call it a hunch. But they have some serious holes in their roster. QB is a weak position for them, and RB and WR aren't much better.
     
    Gold Grill - The Lip Conference is a tough division this year. And it seems like it's going to be a bit too tough for the Gold Grill squad. Afterall, they only get to play The Savants twice this season.
       
    That's it for now, folks!
             
    The Commish