2003 Week 12 Report

For the 3rd consecutive year, all 6 playoff berths have been claimed by the end of Week Twelve. But next week's games are still important, as four of the six playoff-bound squads are jockeying for seeding position. Money is on the line in both the overall points and overall record races. So don't take the week off if you're still in the hunt.     Here are the final results for Week Twelve:      T.T.M.F. Little Johnny (4-8) defeated P.O.B. Pimps (7-5) , 92-79 The Steins (8-3-1) defeated Karen's Komets (7-5) , 89-68 Priestie Boys (1-11 defeated Victorious Secrets (3-9), 125-66 The Fat Bus (11-1) defeated E-Z Money (5-7), 125-70 Faerie Fucks (7-5) defeated Vick's Vagines (6-5-1), 86-79   Since we won't talk about or hear from the four 2004 lottery squads until next fall, I thought it would be appropriate to comment about each of them one last time. The following teams will be bringing the beer to next year's draft: Priestie Boys, Victorious Secrets, T.T.M.F. Little Johnny, and E-Z Money. Who had any idea these four teams would be the ones to miss out on the postseason in 2003? Probably nobody did... except me of course! That's right, in the Week Three Report, I once again predicted exactly which four teams would not be making the playoffs.   Priestie Boys - At least these guys finally won a game this week. I think everyone in the league is happy they finally got off the schneid. The problem for Priestie next year will be the same as this season: they will only have one good franchise player. Perhaps taking over Rueff's spot in the league also meant mirroring that sad franchise's characteristics.   Victorious Secrets - Not only is this the first year they failed to make the postseason, the Secrets also managed to be 2003's worst overall team. Things got uglier for them this week as they were Priestie Boys' first victim in 2003. Ouch! Odds are they will finish under 1,000 total points scored on the year. Thaty's shitty!   T.T.M.F. Little Johnny - Every year fans of Little Johnny hope that maybe they'll lay off the sauce at the annual draft. Rod Gardner in the 2nd round? Kurt Warner in the 4th? Drew Bennet in the 7th? Is it any wonder they once again find themselves in lottery land?   E-Z Money - These guys were one player away from being a playoff squad. That's right, if they just had ONE receiver to go with their all-star QB and backfield they would have easily clinched a postseason berth. Every year, we see the same lips at WR for this squad: Morton, Conway, Booker. E-Z Money, feel free to expand your knowledge of the wide receiver position next season. You can't be stupid enough to draft these same guys next year as well? Can you?    Commissioner's Note:  Unfortunately, the 1/2 owner of The Steins who was scheduled to provide some off-color Week 12 commentary failed to submit his column. Therefore I have no choice but to post some embarrassing photos of him from this week's Civil War festivites in Eugene. Enjoy!           (Photos courtesy of Ryan Knauss Photography, Inc.)    I would like to wish you all a happy Thanksgiving this week, and I'll see you here next week as we outline the Round One playoff matchups. Late.    The Commish