2003 Week 11 Report

Only two weeks are left in the regular season before we start the playoffs! As you all know, only six teams qualify for the postseason and after Week Eleven there are only seven teams still in the hunt. The three teams that have been mathematically eliminated are: Priestie Boys, Victorious Secrets, and T.T.M.F. Little Johnny. Three teams have already clinched a playoff berth: The Fat Bus, The Steins, and P.O.B. Pimps.   The playoff picture is rather simple this year. The Fat Bus has clinched the Hair Conference championship and a first round bye. The team that needs a lot to happen in their favor is E-Z Money. But before we outline each team's postseason chances, here are the final results for Week Eleven:      The Steins (7-3-1) defeated T.T.M.F. Little Johnny (3-8), 106-82 The Fat Bus (10-1) defeated Victorious Secrets (3-8), 109-76 Vick's Vagines (6-4-1) defeated E-Z Money (5-6), 80-72 Karen's Komets (7-4) defeated Priestie Boys (0-11), 100-90 P.O.B. Pimps (7-4) defeated Faerie Fucks (6-5), 74-64   Notable blunders from Week Eleven:   * The Steins benched Andre Johnson and he finally went off. Good job!   * T.T.M.F. Little Johnny started WR Eric Moulds even though Moulds was declared inactive at 9:00 AM Pacific Standard Time. I guess watching ESPN's pregame show would have been smarter than viewing that Stripperella rerun.   * The Priestie Boys actually thought they were going to win this week (Hey! I used that line last week... and the previous 9 weeks as well).    Alright, here's how the playoff race is shaping up...    Playoff Summary Team Record What they need to have happen to qualify... The Fat Bus 10-1 they have already clinched a playoff spot    REMAINING OPPONENTS: E-Z Money, Vicks Vagines The Steins 7-3-1 they have already clinched a playoff spot   REMAINING OPPONENTS: Karen's Komets, P.O.B. Pimps P.O.B. Pimps 7-4 they have already clinched a playoff spot   REMAINING OPPONENTS: The Steins, E-Z Money Karen's Komets 7-4 they need to win one of their final two games OR have either E-Z Money or Faerie Fucks lose one of their final two games OR have Vick's Vagines lose both of their final two games   REMAINING OPPONENTS: T.T.M.F. Little Johnny, The Steins Vick's Vagines 6-4-1 they need to win one of their final two games OR have E-Z Money lose one of their final two games OR have Faerie Fucks lose both of their final two games   REMAINING OPPONENTS: Faerie Fucks, The Fat Bus Faerie Fucks 6-5 they need to win one of their final two games OR have E-Z Money lose one of their final two games    REMAINING OPPONENTS: Vick's Vagines, Priestie Boys E-Z Money 5-6 they need to win both of their final games AND have one of the following teams lose both of their final two games: Faerie Fucks or Vick's Vagines    REMAINING OPPONENTS: The Fat Bus, Karen's Komets Victorious Secrets 3-8 they have been eliminated from the playoffs    REMAINING OPPONENTS: Priestie Boys, T.T.M.F. Little Johnny T.T.M.F. Little Johnny 3-8 they have been eliminated from the playoffs   REMAINING OPPONENTS: P.O.B. Pimps, Victorious Secrets Priestie Boys 0-11 they have been eliminated from the playoffs   REMAINING OPPONENTS: Victorious Secrets, Faerie Fucks              As a an added feature to the weekly report, we will now be graced by the personal comments of one of the owners of The Steins. Here is his column for Week Eleven:   It's kind of PO to give me the opportunity to point out some observations:   - Has anyone seen the draft on this year's website? Any chance that correlates to PO's draft? Top Five Clues PO's team is Tayreebs and out of the playoffs: 5. He doesn't answer the phone on Sunday's 4. More importantly he doesn't call on Sundays 3. He watches Trading Spaces on the Home and Garden channel Sunday nights at 5:30 2. The website isn't updated until Wednesday 1. Good luck finding any SALTS on the shelves at Fred Meyer.   TTMF - You would think that with Ohio State's success and the Bengals' success there might be some carryover to fantasy football. I think Craig Krenzell will be the answer to all of your problems. Don't think he won't.   Priestie Boys - Have you heard of the curse of Bullseye? The one highlight of your career was kicking an undermanned Bullseye's and Todd Bouman's tail in the playoffs. Ever since, it was revenge last year by Bullseye and now a vicious tailspin. I just hope you win a game because nobody should ever be worse than Jo Boo.   The Pimps- It's amazing what counseling and time to recover will do for a person who has been violated multiple times in multiple years. P.O.B. stuck to his guns and is looking solid.   Faerie - I'm not sure what has happened but I think he's been too busy GETTING HIS ___ PUSHED IN! Three days later go see the Doctor.   Murph - Its hard to say anything positive about Jo Boo, but for appearing to be so terrible during the draft things have worked out. I think Murph's best pick at the draft was "Pulling the #2 out of the hat!"   The Bus - Wake Up!!   Vick's - First of all Randy is no Santana! Flutie, Bledsoe, Ramsey who's next Anthony Wright?   The Steins - Smoke and Mirrors. Terrible Owens and Fractured Freddy - First Round Elim.      Alright, that's this week's report and commentary from the head of all Steins. It should be a great ending to the regular season, especially considering who is fighting for that last playoff berth. Good luck to you all.       The Commish