WEEK FIVE REPORT        After five weeks of play, there are 4 teams in this league with only one victory. You can do the math to figure out just how hard it will be for one of these cellar dwellers to make the playoffs. They're looking at having to win 6 of their final 8 games just to have a shot it. With the pressure to win being so immediate, I wouldn't be surprised to see a flurry trades take place in the next couple of weeks. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Just ask the owner of the TD Taunters. Last week he gave up franchise player LaDainian Tomlinson and QB Jeff Garcia in a daring attempt to get better. As you all already know, he made the trade with Dawson's Crizzy. Unfortunately for both teams, they lost their Week Five matchups in spite of their trading efforts. It's pretty obvious, based on their opponents production this week, they would have lost no matter who they had (or had not) traded.     Here are the full results for Week Five:   Bullseye (4-1) defeated Boston Stranglers (3-2), 84-78. This was the worst game of the week, and the two lowest scoring teams of the week. Bullseye gets the win, despite being the 9th place performer for Week Five. A nice break for them. The Stranglers had a chance to win on Monday night, but placekicker Ryan Longwell missed 3 field goals. With WR David Boston not performing well at all, and WR Derrick Mason still inured -- the Stranglers are not looking so hot. Bullseye isn't looking that spectacular either, but they are getting the job done as this was their 4th victory in a row.   The Green Party (4-0-1) defeated TD Taunters (1-4), 124-109. The Green Party is the only undefeated team in the league and their continued scoring is quite impressive. The question is, can RB Priest Holmes really continue to score 30+ points every week? The Taunters can't catch a break. Their opponents seem to be one of the highest scoring teams each and every week. I'm almost beginning to feel sorry for these guys.    Gimme The Damn Ball! (3-2) defeated Dawson's Crizzzy (1-4), 137-96. Out of nowhere the Ball! chimed in with their highest scoring effort of all-time. That's poor timing for the Crizzy, who - like the TD Taunters - can't catch a break with the schedule. 64 points were put up by Gimme The Damn Ball!'s receivers alone, which is quite a feat considering the names on their roster. Historically, the Crizzy has struggled against the Ball! -- now having won only 2 games in 8 career matchups.    Pooh Bott Helmets (4-1) defeated Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier (2-3), 122-107. The Pooh Bot Helmets are having a very nice year. They seem to have a balanced attack with quality players at each position. With 4 wins in the first 5 weeks, they look like a lock to make the playoffs and increase their all-time career earnings total of $50. The Ball Carrier, Corey Dillon, finally came out of hiding this week and posted a monster game. Congratulations on both this accomplishment and on the nuptials of their owner this past weekend. Perhaps, they are the true "Karen's Komets" of the league now.   The Savants (1-4) defeated Karen's Komets (1-3-1), 95-91. Holy cow! The Savants actually won a game and they did it with a solid 95 point performance. It must be exciting for them to once again qualify for the power rankings -- even though they are still #10 overall. The Komets must feel really depressed right about now. They lost to a team that started a punt returner this week. Yes, that's right, The Savants started Bobby Shaw at WR even though he is nothing more than a return guy. That was a nice 69 yard touchdown he had this week by the way. Too bad it doesn't count on your stats. With only 1 win in five weeks, the Komets' postseason chances are slipping quickly. That pre-draft trade they made is looking really ugly right about now.   Next week features some great matchups. Here are my predictions on how things will play out Week Six:   The Green Party (4-0-1) vs. Pooh Bott Helmets (4-1) The league's top two teams face off in their only regular season contest against each other this year. This should be a close fight, but I have a hunch The Green Party will come back to reality and score under 100 points this week. As a result, the Helmets will squeak by with a narrow win.    Boston Stranglers (3-2) vs. Gimme The Damn Ball! (3-2) This should be a good matchup by teams that look even on paper. The Stranglers have been struggling at RB the last two weeks and their WRs are a mess right now, while the Ball! is red-hot. Historically, the Stranglers own this opponent -- so despite the aforementioned issues -- I predict they will come out victorious. Besides, the phrase "shoot your load" wasn't coined for shits and giggles.    TD Taunters (1-4) vs. Dawson's Crizzy (1-4) Oh this is a classic matchup. These two teams have just swapped high-quality players, they are both 1-4, and they are both getting facked by the strength of scheduling. One of them will begin a fierce comeback this week, while the other is virtually eliminated from the postseason. Which will it be? I really have no idea, but based on the NFL byes this week, I give the Taunters the edge.    Bullseye (4-1) vs. The Savants (1-4) The early line: Bullseye by 39½. Really, does anyone think The Savants have a chance to post back-to-back victories?    Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier (2-3) vs. Karen's Komets (1-3-1) In what should be a low scoring affair, I would suspect that the Ball Carrier emerges victorious. After all, they have lost three games in a row, so aren't they due for a nice week and a win? Of course, the Komets haven't won in their last 4 games either, but that's irrelevant. Final score: 55-54 in favor of Corey Dillon.    That's it for this week!   Later,         The Commish