WEEK FOUR REPORT        Our first full week of interleague games has concluded, and it looks like the Hair Conference teams took it to their Lip Conference counterparts. The Hairs tallied three wins, 1 tie, and 1 loss. The big "winner" out of all these cross-divisional games was Bullseye -- who managed to grab a Week Four victory. That is something all the other teams in the Lip Conference could not accomplish this week. I guess Eddie may have been right when he said on draft night: "The most important pick I made all night was drawing the #2 out of the hat!"    Feature game of the week Bullseye (3-1) defeated Gimme The Damn Ball! (2-2), 104-103. This was a close matchup all the way as it came down to QB Daunte Culpepper getting a few late game points in the Sunday prime time game. Bullseye is probably quite proud of themselves for starting RB Duce Staley this week, as the diminutive runner managed to sneak into the end zone twice. But before they run out to apply to Mensa, somebody should probably tell them that their other stiff backup runner, Stacey Mack, managed to score three times. A true genious would have given him the start over Duece. As for Gimme The Damn Ball!, there is much that can be said about their loss this week. They started an inactive player (Troy Brown) and they benched a running back who scored (Jamel White) at the very last minute for a back that was injured (Curtis Martin). Let's just leave at that. One point losses are hard enough to endure without reading about all the errors you made.   Here are the results for Week Four:   The Green Party (3-0-1) and Karen's Komets (1-2-1) tied, 84-84. A tie? What's up with a tie? The Green Party just refuses to lose this year. And the Komets refuse to consistently win (over the last 6 years). It wasn't a surprise the Green machine slowed down, as they had been putting up some serious points the first few weeks -- but they caught a break when the Komets couldn't finish them off on Monday night. Needing just one more yard rushing, or two yards passing, from QB Brian Griese for an extra point -- the Komets watched Denver do nothing in their final plays of the game. This outcome will most likely shape a few playoff races later in the season.   Boston Stranglers (3-1) defeated Pooh Bott Helmets (3-1), 92-74. Nothing too exciting about this matchup. A few injuries limited the scoring, as did starting a couple of stiffs (Bettis for the Stranglers & Kennison for the Helmets). But both teams are looking good at 3 wins and one loss heading into Week Five. The Stranglers have their annual grudge match against Bullseye next week while the Helmets travel to the Horseshoe in Columbus to meet up against the Runner Formerly Known As Corey Dillon. (Now he is just known as "worst franchise player besides Warner.")   TD Taunters (1-3) defeated The Savants (0-4), 122-79. It was do or die time for the TD Taunters, and luckily for them they got their easiest game of the year during Week Four. Playing The Savants should be against the rules. I propose next year that any wins vs. The Savants are not counted as real victories in the standings. We can vote on it after next summer. But back to this week: the Taunters went nuts with RB LaDainian Tomlinson posting 38 points and showing The Fat Bus that maybe they should be "fired up if one of their franchise players is Tomlinson" !!! I'd much rather have him than an aging Jet running back who shall remain nameless.   Dawson's Crizzzy (1-3) defeated Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier (2-2), 131-66. Also needing a win was Dawson and they too got outstanding RB points this week. Shaun Alexander set an all-time RB performance mark with 49 points. Five TDs in the first half on Sunday night made up the bulk of his scoring. Now Dawson, and Alexander, hold the top two all-time points scored records by a running back. Too bad they took 4 weeks to emerge this season.    On a personal note, I will be leaving town this week on Thursday and returning Sunday. So I encourage everyone to submit their rosters to me via e-mail if at all possible and the earlier the better. You can also leave a voice mail or a fax, but e-mail is definitely preferred this week!!! I might not be able to reach you and let you know who is starting what players until Sunday evening. So feel free to exchange rosters with your Week Five opponent before 10:00 a.m. Sunday as a courtesy. Thanks for understanding. You fackers.    Have a good week all... and see you here next Monday.   The Commish