WEEK THREE REPORT     There is no official "dog of the week" for Week Three. Four squads couldn't even make it to 80 points this week and all of them lost. The Savants were the lowest scoring team of the bunch, scoring a measley 65 points, but we didn't expect them to do much better than that anyway. (That is why we will spare them from D.O.T.W. honors.)   The big news to report is that Pooh Bott Helmets have jumped out to a 3-0 start! For this franchise, that is quite a feat. The other team in the league with a perfect record is the red-hot The Green Party. This squad is averaging over 122 points/game, and although we have only played three weeks, it is still quite impressive. On the other end of the spectrum we have three teams that are winless after Week Three. Dawson's Crizzzy, TD Taunters, and The Savants are all fading fast from playoff contention. The owners of these squads better do someting rapidly if they want to salvage this year, because 0-4 is pretty much a death sentence!   Here are the results for Week Three:   Gimme The Damn Ball! (2-1) defeated The Savants (0-3), 91-65. Yawn. Somebody wake me when The Savants don't start Detroit Lions' wide receivers. As for The Ball, nobody is giving it to Keyshawn very often. Of course, against The Savants, it doesn't really matter.   The Green Party (3-0) defeated Dawson's Crizzzy (0-3), 131-77. Who can stop these guys? The Green Party is whooping it up on a weekly basis, and have jumped to a very large lead in the overall points race. I must admit I have been impressed. And like another bad rerun on the W.B. -- Dawson has once again found himself up the proverbial crizzzy. One wonders when they'll snap out of their funk, because this team was expected to score a lot this year. Of course, when you face a team posting 131 in a given week, it really doesn't matter much - because odds are you are going to lose anyway.   Boston Stranglers (2-1) defeated TD Taunters (0-3), 130-105. I feel bad for the TD Taunters. They have actually posted some solid numbers this year on their way to an 0-3 record. This week, their 105 points is the 3rd highest score overall, yet they come away with a defeat. Add to that, they did it with their best two players (Marshall Faulk/Jeff Garcia) missing most of their respective games due to injury and illness. The stars are not aligning in the Taunters favor so far this season. As for The Stranglers, they got some unexpected high scores from their running backs this week. The Stranglers are considered one of the weakest teams in the league at that position, so they are obviously enjoying some surprise production.    Pooh Bott Helmets (3-0) defeated Karen's Komets (1-2), 103-74. The Komets have started their newest losing streak. Let's hope it doesn't last as long as some of their previous periods of failure. At 1-2, they still are in a good position relative to the rest of the league, but they're going to need more than 74 points a week to get the job done. The Helmets are on a roll. I haven't checked the history logs, but me thinks this is their first ever three-game winning streak! Kudos to them.   Bullseye (2-1) defeated Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier (2-1), 99-76. After a slow start, Bullseye has jumped out to a solid 2-1 record and look like a well-balanced squad. Of course, the magic of Edge and Daunte seems to have disappeared, so they'll be relying on their whitebread receivers (Finneran, Thrash) and their Tampa Bay hairlips (Pittman, McCardell, Gramatica) the rest of the way to carry them to victory. As for Corey Dillon, he's not much of a ball carrier. Why in the world don't they change their stupid name?     As part of an annual tradition, I like to use the Week Three mark to predict what teams have very little chance to make the postseason. With three franchises currently 0-3, you might think you know what teams I will select. Think again! Because I think some surprises are in store...     Dawson's Crizzzy - Unless Shaun Alexander can turn his game around, this squad is in trouble. We all know they have top-notch WR talent (Moss, Moulds, Horn, etc.) -- but they have no backs. No quarterback, no running backs. It's tough to rely on your wide outs every week, and I just don't think Dawson is gonna win 7 of their next 10 games.   The Savants - This is sort of a no-brainer. Folks, there was a reason during the preseason that the league's ranking committee selected this team to finish last: They have no talent. 'Nuff said.   Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier - Yeah, they're 2-1 and they are #5 in overall scoring. But they also have a lot of questionable players. Corey Dillon, Drew Bledsoe, Joey Galloway, et. al. are just not the kind of consistent players you need to advance to the postseason. Maybe they'll prove me wrong, but my hunch says they only win 4 more games this year.   Gimme The Damn Ball! - Curtis Martin and Keyshawn Johnson are not top quality players. This team (formerly known as The Fat Bus for over 5 years), who franchised these two players before the draft, is going to struggle often. QB Steve McNair is the kind of guy that single-handely ruins fantasy season. Trust me on this.   For the record, last year I predicted that Jo-Boo's Browns Backers, The Savants, and Bullseye would miss the playoffs. I was right with the first two, but Bullseye proved me wrong (although they did get blown out in Round Two of the postseason).      Next week features some good matchups so enjoy the games...    Late!          The Commish