WEEK FIVE REPORT

There are some basic rules of managing a fantasy football team, such as "Never start a player whose team has a bye that week" or "Never bench a true stud, regardless of his opponent." Well, thanks to the stellar management of Dippity-Doo we have a new rule to add to the mix: "Never start a player who is not on your roster." Yes folks, it is true, Dippity-Doo called in WR Freddie Jones as a starter this week, despite having traded him away just a few days earlier. And if that is not comical enough, Jones was traded to his Week 5 opponent!

Since we're on the topic of boneheaded moves... did anyone notice that the Terrell Owens trade is looking more and more lopsided with each passing week? Or that rookie WR Reggie Wayne (who had previously never made a reception in the NFL) was given a start this week on a Hair Conference team? I'm sure next week will give us plenty of more humor. But for now, let's look at the results for Week Five...

Feature game of the week

PTP: Peyton's Trailerpark Posse! (4-1) defeated Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier (3-2), 86-80. It came down to the two quarterbacks playing head-to-head in the last game on Sunday to determine a winner in this matchup. Corey Dillon's QB Rich Gannon was outplayed (fantasy wise) by Peyton Manning, thus giving PTP their 4th win of the year. Prior to this game, Corey Dillon had played K Joe Nedney all season long. This week, their decision to switch kickers cost them the victory. This was an off-week for league leading PTP, who despite early success in scoring points, is finding out that having 7 mediocre receivers on their roster leads to some difficult decision making.

Here are the rest of the results for Week Five:

Eighty-Eight, Late! (2-3) defeated Dippity-Doo (2-3), 115-69. This was a much needed win for Eighty-Eight, Late! as newly acquired QB Jeff Garcia paid instant dividends. Four touchdowns and 46 points later, Dippity-Doo never had a chance. Eighty-Eight is still waiting on a ruling to see if WR Freddie Jones' 15 receiving yards on Sunday will translate into 2 more fantasy points added to their overall tally.

Bullseye (3-2) defeated The Savants (3-2), 126-91. Bullseye! WR Terrell Owens had his 2nd consecutive monster game in as many weeks since being acquired by this squad. How anyone could have let the league's all-time scoring leader get their hands on this stud receiver is still something I cannot understand. Despite their 3-2 record, The Savants are struggling. They are hurting at wide receiver and it might get worse before it gets better.

Marshall's Maulers (1-3-1) tied with NGL^© (3-1-1), 90-90. It goes without saying that the Maulers would have won this game had WR Terrell Owens still been on their roster. But at this stage in the game, a tie against NGL^© is still a positive result. Mathematically, the Maulers are still in the playoff race. Mathematically. NGL^© is seeing that QB Elvis Grbac might not be the long-term solution for their squad. We'll have to see if they make any moves to get better at this position.

The Fruit Baskets (2-3) defeated Jo-Boo's Browns Backers (1-4), 102-48. This one was over before it started. Jim Miller, Rod Gardner, James Jackson, et. al. is a recipe for a losing lineup. How Jo-Boo manages to become such a weak team before their season is half over is a mystery to us all. But at least they are consistent. The Baskets are happy with this much needed victory, and even though they are only 2-3 overall, they look solid after posting scores of 104 and 102 the last two weeks.

Next week, we have some intriguing matchups. Here are my predictions on how things will play out Week Six:

The Savants (3-2) vs. PTP: Peyton's Trailerpark Posse! (4-1)

This game might be closer than some expect, but there will be no upset. The league's #1 team will once again bring their trailer trash style of fantasy ball on Sunday, and they will get win #5. This game might be the beginning of the end for The Savants as I predict they will be circling the drain somewhere around Week Eight or Nine.

Eighty-Eight, Late! (2-3) vs. Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier (3-2)

This should be a good matchup by teams that look even on paper. But without Gannon next week, Corey Dillon will fall. QB Aaron Brooks vs. the worst pass defense in the NFL, the Atlanta Falcons, could be the difference.

Bullseye (3-2) vs. The Fruit Baskets (2-3)

The Baskets have never beaten Bullseye. But they will next week. Terrell Owens is off and so is RB Tyrone Wheatley. With an injured Michael Bennett (who is a shitty fantasy RB anyway) they will be struggling to put a decent team on the field. The Fruit Baskets win this game going away.

Marshall's Maulers (1-3-1) vs. Dippity Doo (2-3)

In what should be a low scoring affair, I would suspect that Dippity Doo will pull off the narrow victory. RB Marshall Faulk's injury seriosuly weakens the Maulers, and although Dippity Doo may be without QB Brian Griese, they still will start a better QB than their opponent -- whoever it is that gets the call.

That's it for this week!

Later,

The Commish