WEEK TWELVE REPORT     Twelve weeks in the books, only one week in the regular season left to play. And miraculously, we already know which six teams will qualify for the postseason! We've never before known all the playoff squads before the end of Week Thirteen -- so there will be little drama this upcoming weekend in terms of who's seasons will be extended. However, there are some important things that remain undecided. Here's what is up for grabs during Week Thirteen:   The Hair Conference Champion ($50)/Best Overall Record ($75)/Most Overall Points ($200) Two teams are fighting it out for these prizes. Bullseye and NGL© have locked up #'s 1 and 2 in the Hair Conference and the best (and 2nd best) overall record. Bullseye will win both prizes with a Week thirteen victory. NGL© needs a win next week coupled with a Bullseye loss or tie. For the most overall points prize, these two teams appear to have locked up the top two spots in this category as well. With one week to go, Bullseye has a 24 point advantage.   The Lip Conference Champion ($50)/3rd Best Overall Record ($25) Three teams: Dippity-Doo, Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier, and PTP: Peyton's Trailerpark Posse! all are fighting for the first round bye in the playoffs that comes with winning the Lip Conference championship. These same teams, along with Eighty-Eight, Late!, have a chance at the 3rd best record. It looks like we'll be deciding a few things via the tiebreaker rules.   3rd Most Overall Points ($50) It's not the biggest prize on the board, but it is still fifty bucks. It appears two teams, Eighty-Eight, Late! and PTP: Peyton's Trailerpark Posse!, will claim this one. With one week left on the schedule, Eighty-Eight, Late! has scored but a mere two points more than the Posse.       Here are the final results for Week Twelve:       Eighty-Eight, Late! (7-5) defeated The Fruit Baskets (3-8-1), 115-88. NGL© (8-3-1) defeated Bullseye (9-3), 112-95. Marshall's Maulers (3-8-1) defeated The Savants (5-7), 93-88. Dippity-Doo (7-5) defeated Jo-Boo's Browns Backers (3-9), 116-90. Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier (7-5) defeated PTP: Peyton's Trailerpark Posse! (6-5-1), 118-96.         Playoff aspirations were on the line last night as Green Bay visited Jacksonville in the final game of Week Twelve. And the chisel was feverishly at work all game long. Who was the primary victim this time around? None other than our resident idiot: The Savants! This was a game The Savants needed to win if they were to keep their postseason hopes alive. Trailing by 19 points to Marshall's Maulers entering the contest, The Savants had Jaguars RB Stacey Mack and WR Keenan McCardell left to carry the load. And they responded admirably, all things considered. Mack had a decent pass catch and a long run both called back because of penalties, and McCardell had a 20+ yard reception that was also nullified by a yellow flag. In the end, The Savants came up five points short, and they will sit out of this year's playoffs. But it never had to end this way for The Savants. Had they played RB James Stewart (their first running back selected at the draft) instead of Mack (a guy who splits carries with Elvis Joseph) they would have won easily. Sounds like deja vu all over again! Remember last year's Super Bowl mistake when The Savants sat Emmitt Smith in favor of rusher-by-committee stiff Ron Dayne? Ahhh.... fond memories.           Alright, here is the updated playoff summary:    Playoff Summary Team Record What they need to have happen... Bullseye 9-3 they have already clinched a playoff spot and can win the Hair Conference championship with a win in their final game against Marshall's Maulers OR a loss by NGL© in their final game against Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier    REMAINING OPPONENT: Marshall's Maulers NGL© 8-3-1 they have already clinched a playoff spot and can win the Hair Conference championship with a win in their final game against Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier AND a loss or tie by Bullseye in their final game against Marshall's Maulers   REMAINING OPPONENT: Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier 7-5 they have already clinched a playoff spot and can win the Lip Conference championship if they win their final game against NGL© AND Dippity Doo loses their final game against The Fruit Baskets    REMAINING OPPONENT: NGL© Eighty-Eight, Late! 7-5 they have already clinched a playoff spot and are competing for the 3rd/4th most overall points prizes as well as the 3rd best overall record prize   REMAINING OPPONENT: The Savants Dippity Doo 7-5 they have already clinched a playoff spot and can win the Lip Conference championship if they win their final game against The Fruit Baskets; they can also with their conference if both Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier and PTP: Peyton's Trailerpark Posse! lose their final games; they have an outside shot at winning the 3rd/4th most overall points prizes   REMAINING OPPONENT: The Fruit Baskets PTP: Peyton's Trailerpark Posse! 6-5-1 they have already clinched a playoff spot and can win the Lip Conference championship if they win their final game against Jo-Boo's Browns Backers AND have losses by both Corey Dillon The Ball Carrier (vs. NGL© ) and Dippity Doo (vs. The Fruit Baskets) in their final games; they are also competing for the 3rd/4th most overall points prizes   REMAINING OPPONENT: Jo-Boo's Browns Backers The Savants 5-7 they have been eliminated from the playoffs and are guaranteed to finish as the #7 team this season (draft pick no. 4 next year)    REMAINING OPPONENT: Eighty-Eight, Late! The Fruit Baskets 3-8-1 they have been eliminated from the playoffs    REMAINING OPPONENT: Dippity Doo Marshall's Maulers 3-8-1 they have been eliminated from the playoffs   REMAINING OPPONENT: Bullseye Jo-Boo's Browns Backers 3-9 they have been eliminated from the playoffs and have a half-game advantage in the race for next year's #1 draft pick   REMAINING OPPONENT: PTP: Peyton's Trailerpark Posse!             Byes in the first round of the 2001 playoffs are at stake next week for five of the playoff-bound teams, so it should be a good finish. I'll let you know who won what regular season prizes in next week's report. For the four teams who are now out of it, make sure to check back in next Tuesday, as I will surely be putting your shitty squads down. You won't want to miss it!   (88) Late!    The Commish