WEEK NINE REPORT     After a high scoring Week Eight, things cooled off quite a bit this week. Only two teams managed to break 100 points in Week Nine, and they were the league's two top scoring teams: Bullseye and The Endzone Dancers. Four QBs couldn't score more than 10 points and eighteen WRs couldn't score more than 4 points. The biggest disappointment this week? That's easy. Dirty Sanchez managed to score only 53 points en route to their first ever "Dog of the Week" honors.    So with only 4 weeks left in the regular season, it's still anybody's ballgame... that is, anybody except for Jo-Boo's Browns Backers and Team TBD. The other 8 squads still have a shot at winning their conference and making the playoffs. There are some important matchups this week - so I suspect we'll have a much clearer playoff picture after next Monday night.     Feature game of the week Akili's All-Stars (6-3) defeated The Fat Bus (4-5), 93-88. Amazingly, Akili's All-Stars are undefeated in Lip Conference play with a 5-0 divisional record. This victory was the second straight for the All-Stars who hold on to their one-game lead in the conference. After missing the postseason two straight years, they sure look like they will be back in the playoffs in 2000. In contrast, The Fat Bus is fading -- and fast! They have lost 4 out of their last 5 contests, and have already played Jo-Boo's Browns Backers twice this season. Therefore, they have no more bye weeks. Next week's matchup against The Funhouse Slaps will be crucial for The Fat Bus. The All-Stars catch a break and face the Browns Backers next week.     Here are the rest of the results for Week Nine:   The Endzone Dancers (7-2) defeated Team TBD (2-7), 112-94. The Endzone Dancers keep winning. RB Marshall Faulk continues to prove that he's the best fantasy player in the game while the Dancers' trio of San Francisco 49ers (Garcia, Garner & Owens) continues to produce big numbers. Team TBD, despite having a good week, is now officially eliminated from the playoffs. Next week, The Endzone Dancers battle Bullseye while Team TBD meets The Savants.   The Savants (5-4) defeated Dirty Sanchez (5-4), 75-53. This was an important game for both teams, yet neither came to play this week. The Savants earned the victory, but displayed the effects of losing starting QB Kurt Warner. Trent Green posted decent fantasy numbers this week, but definitely not what one would have expected with Warner - especialy against the 49ers defense! It shall be interesting to see how he performs next week against Carolina. As for Dirty Sanchez, they sucked this week. When WR Oronde Gadsden is your team's leader with 11 fantasy points, you know you're in trouble. Fortunately for them, they get WR Marcus Robinson back next week when they face Santana's No Randy! TNT© in a oh-so-important Hair Conference showdown. The Savants will go up against Team TBD.   Bullseye (6-3) defeated Santana's No Randy! TNT© (5-4), 105-87. Bullseye completes the season sweep of Santana's No Randy! TNT© and now is all alone in 2nd place in the Hair Conference. Bullseye continues to get balanced production from their starters and look like they'll be back in the playoffs this year after a one year hiatus. Next week they face The Endzone Dancers in a battle of the league's top two teams. Santana's No Randy! TNT© matches up against Dirty Sanchez next week, with the loser of that game looking to be in last place in the division.   The Funhouse Slaps (5-4) defeated Jo-Boo's Browns Backers (0-9), 81-57. This is ridiculous. How can one team be so bad? And to make matters worse, the Browns Backers have lost Wesley Walls for the year. Meanwhile, The Funhouse Slaps needed this victory -- and more importantly -- needed RB Eddie George to stay healthy. They got both. Next week, the Slaps play The Fat Bus in a do-or-die game.       Taunt you later,         The Commish