WEEK FIVE REPORT
One more week in the books... one more loss
for Jo-Boo's Browns Backers and Team TBD. Both teams are now 0-5 after
five weeks, and the league's actuaries have already calculated that they
have both been eliminated from postseason play. The Browns Backers obviously
know this, as they completed another trade with cash involved over the
weekend. This deal sent WR Albert Connell to The Savants in exchange for
WR Kevin Johnson and $30. If you ask me, Connell isn't worth the money
all by himself -- and when you throw in an up and coming wideout like Johnson,
the Browns Backers raped The Savants. Regardless, the Browns Backers have
now collected $165 from their sales... errr... trades this season. That's
more money than most teams will win from this year's prizes! However,
it has been decided that any further transactions which include cash, and
invlove teams most likely not heading to the playoffs, will be reviewed
by the league. If the deals are deemed unfair - then they will not be approved.
The integrity of the league will not fall victim to the greediness of cheap
ass owners who can not draft a quality team and/or field a weekly roster
that is halfway competitive!
Moving on, the Hair Conference is continuing
to flex their muscles as they took this week's only interleague game. They
now hold an 8-1 record over the lips (Lip Conference teams) in interleague
play. After Week Five, the Lip Conference is already being outscored by
the Hair Conference by 454 points. For comparison, last year the total
difference in points between the two divisions was only 627 points for
the entire year.
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Feature game of the
week
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Santana's No Randy! TNT© (4-1)
defeated The Endzone Dancers (3-2),
135-121. In this extremely high scoring game, we saw that Santana's No
Randy! TNT© still has some of that high powered potential
that earned them the championship in 1998. After 4 weeks of average to
below-average scoring, they came up big in an important Hair Conference
matchup. That seems to be the story for Santana's No Randy! TNT©
, who seem to score just enough weekly points to edge out their opponent.
Although they have won four out of five games, they have only outscored
the opposition by a total of one point in those games (450-449) !
In losing, The Endzone Dancers set a new season record for the "Highest
Team Point Total in a Losing Effort." That's not fun. Next week, The
Endzone Dancers face Bullseye in a showdown between the league's top two
scoring teams. Meanwhile, Santana's No Randy! TNT© will
battle Dirty Sanchez.
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Note: After this report was issued, an official
stat change was made. WR Terry Glenn actually had 6 receptions for
76 yards, bringing his weekly fantasy scoring total to 12 points. The official
final score is Santana's No Randy! TNT© 135, The Endzone
Dancers 121.
Here are the rest of the results for Week
Five:
Dirty Sanchez
(3-2) defeated Team TBD
(0-5), 105-48. On paper, this didn't look to be a very competitive contest.
And it wasn't. Both of Dirty Sanchez' franchise players, RB Stephen
Davis and WR Marcus Robinson, came up big to contribute a combined
52 points in the blowout. Next week, Dirty Sanchez plays Santana's No Randy!
TNT© while Team TBD gets their first chance at a victory:
they face Jo-Boo's Browns Backers. The early line has Team TBD as a 2½
point favorite.
Bullseye (4-1)
defeated The Savants (2-3),
106-85. In five games, QB Kurt Warner of The Savants has scored 39,
23, 30, 44, and 37 points - an average of 35 points per game. Despite Warner's
contribution, The Savants are now only 2-3 and are the only team in the
Hair Conference with three divisional losses. Next week they must face
The Fat Bus without their star quarterback, who will be off with a bye.
Things aren't looking so good for The Savants. Meanwhile, Bullseye continues
to rack up victories and total points. At this point, they look like a
lock to make the playoffs. Unfortunately for them, they will most likely
sputter when they get there. Next week, Bullseye goes up against The Endzone
Dancers.
The Funhouse Slaps
(3-2) defeated The Fat Bus (3-2),
99-87. The Fat Bus got slapped around this week by The Funhouse in an important
Lip Conference game. Both teams are joined by Akili's All-Stars atop the
conference standings - all deadlocked at 3-2. It will be interesting to
follow these three teams the rest of the way, as it looks they will be
competing for only two playoff positions (due to the futility of the two
other Lip Conference teams). The Fat Bus appears to be at an early disadvantage
since they already have 2 losses within the division - compared to zero
losses for both The Funhouse Slaps and Akili's All-Stars. Next week, The
Fat Bus meets The Savants in an interleague contest while The Slaps and
the All-Stars go head-to-head. That will be an important game as the winner
will be celebrating with a 4-0 conference record.
Akili's All-Stars (3-2)
defeated Jo-Boo's Browns Backers
(0-5), 99-52. It looks like this year's Akili's All-Stars team might actually
be for real. After five weeks, they are averaging an impressive 95 points
per game - much better than their lifetime average of 77.6 per game. Of
course, there is still a long way to go in this 2000 season and much can
happen. Next week the All-Stars battle The Funhouse Slaps while the Browns
Backers face Team TBD in a matchup of winless teams.
That's it for this week.
The Commish
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