WEEK SIXTEEN REPORT

(Super Bowl)

Congratulations to the 2000 Super Bowl champion: Bullseye !

Heading into Monday's game between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the St. Louis Rams, Bullseye held a 37 point lead over The Savants. The only player still active was The Savants' QB Kurt Warner, who needed to come up with at least 38 points if The Savants were to win the Super Bowl. It almost was exciting on Monday night, but Warner really never was a threat to score enough points for the win. In the end, he managed just 27 points.

Final Score: Bullseye 108, The Savants 98

So what went wrong for The Savants? The answer is simple: their owner is a fool! Here is the definition of an "idiot savant" according to Webster's:

idiot savant (id'ee-et sa-vänt) n., pl. idiot savants: A mentally retarded person who exhibits genius in a highly specialized area, such as mathematics or music.

Perhaps that explains their decision not to start the two players that they selected #1 (RB Emmitt Smith) and #2 (WR Tim Brown) in this year's draft! Their excuse for not starting Brown was that they were ignorant of the Saturday games this past week. As for Emmitt, they thought the rookie RB Ron Dayne (who splits carries, as opposed to Emmitt who is the lone setback) would have a better game. Unbenkownst to them, Dayne has been in the coach's proverbial doghouse and teammate Tiki barber has been getting the bulk of the carries as of late. This is the second straight year that an owner has benched Emmitt in the playoffs and it has wound up costing them the victory!

For Bullseye, QB Daunte Culpepper led the way with a monster game. He finished with 42 fantasy points, more than enough to make up for The Savants' strong week at kicker and defense/special teams. By winning the league's most coveted prize, the Super Bowl championship, Bullseye has answered many of their critics. They now lead the league in all-time career earnings, all-time total victories, all-time points scored - and now have a championship ring!

This is what the final playoff bracket looks like:

2000 Playoffs

Here is the list of this year's prize winners:

Superbowl winner

Runner-up

Hair Conference champion

Lip Conference champion

Hair Conference runner-up

Lip Conference runner-up

Most overall points

2nd most overall points

3rd most overall points

4th most overall points

Best overall record

2nd best overall record

3rd best overall record

TOTAL

$375

$150

$50

$25

$200

$115

$50

$25

$75

$50

$25

$1,215

Bullseye

The Savants

Akili's All-Stars

Dirty Sanchez

The Funhouse Slaps

Bullseye

The Savants

The Endzone Dancers

Akili's All-Stars

The Savants

Dirty Sanchez

Totals:

$575 Bullseye

$365 The Savants

$150 Akili's All-Stars

$50 Dirty Sanchez

$50 The Endzone Dancers

$25 The Funhouse Slaps

I also have calculated this year's total transaction fees. We have not yet earmarked how these funds will be utilized, and they will not be due until next year at the draft (plus the fees from 1999). Here is what each team owes:

Transaction Fees	1999	2000	Total
Dirty Sanchez Jo-Boo's Browns Backers Santana's No Randy! TNT^© The Savants Akili's All-Stars The Endzone Dancers The Fat Bus Bullseye The Funhouse Slaps Team TBD TOTAL	$25 $24 $17 $8 $5 $4 $9 $4 $7 $1 $104	$36 $24 $9 $18 $12 $12 $2 $6 $0 $6 $125	$61 $48 $26 $26 $17 $16 $11 $10 $7 $7 $229

Last season, it was interesting to note that the teams with the most transactions had corresponding higher final rankings. This year, a few teams managed to have highly successful seasons without spending a lot on transactions. For Dirty Sanchez, playing the "pickup game" this year may have gotten them a win or two more, but it really ended up just costing them a small chunk of change. On the other hand, teams like The Funhouse Slaps, The Fat Bus, and Team TBD should have forked over a few more dollars to improve their teams. It was no secret that they had tay-reebs drafts, so they should have admitted it by swapping out a few stiffs for some others with a bit more potential.

Thanks to all teams for participating this year, and hopefully all ten squads will be back for next year! The draft has been traditionally held over Labor Day weekend, but there is talk that some owners would like to have it one week earlier next season. So before we get the details hammered out and agreed upon, try not to make any Year 2001 Labor Day travel plans if you can help it!

The Commish