WEEK ELEVEN REPORT     Eleven weeks are in the books with only two regular season weeks remaining. By this time in the year, I thought we would have a pretty good idea of what each team would need to make the playoffs. Unfortunately, the playoff picture is still not very clear -- at least not for the Hair Conference teams. Before we outline each team's postseason chances, here are the final results for Week Eleven:     Dirty Sanchez (7-4) defeated The Funhouse Slaps (6-5), 86-85 The Savants (7-4) defeated Bullseye (7-4), 126-109 The Endzone Dancers (8-3) defeated Jo-Boo's Browns Backers (0-11), 101-57 Santana's No Randy! TNT© (6-5) defeated The Fat Bus (4-7), 115-82 Akili's All-Stars (8-3) defeated Team TBD (2-9), 93-82   And a few additional comments before we look at the playoff race:    1.) Team TBD, one owner has figured out your losing formula. In a memo sent to the commissioner's office, the owner of Akili's All-Stars stated the secret to your team's below average play is your committment to the "4-3." No, not the 4-3 defense, but the fact that you have FOUR players on your roster from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and THREE players from the San Diego Chargers. Both of those NFL teams are arguably the worst offensive teams in the league. In other words, over a third of your offensive roster is comprised of players from the shittiest scoring teams in professional football! Maybe you might want to use the 2nd pick in next year's draft to select a player from a team that actually scores. That way you'll have a chance to improve on your lifetime 29% winning percentage.    2.) Will someone please explain to me how The Fat Bus has only 4 wins this season? It's unbelievable when you consider that they get to play both Jo-Boo's Browns Backers and Team TBD two times this year!   3.) Akili's All-Stars has a chance to be the first team with a perfect record in their conference. With a 7-0 record in Lip Conference games, only The Funhouse Slaps stand in their way from accomplishing this feat.   4.) The Hair Conference has completely dominated the Lip Conference this year in interleague games, winning 18 out of 21 games. Also, the Lips lead in overall scoring by 980 points. The Hair Conference is already guaranteed to have 4 teams in the playoffs, as currently all of the teams in the division have a winning record. One of the Hair teams is going to get screwed out of a postseason berth.   Playoff Summary Team Record What they need to have happen to qualify... The Endzone Dancers 8-3 they need to win one of their final two games OR have Santana's No Randy! TNT© lose one of their final two games*    REMAINING OPPONENTS: The Savants, Santana's No Randy! TNT© Akili's All-Stars 8-3 they have already clinched a playoff spot   REMAINING OPPONENTS: Dirty Sanchez, The Funhouse Slaps Bullseye 7-4 they need to win one of their final two games OR have Santana's No Randy! TNT© lose one of their final two games*   REMAINING OPPONENTS: The Fat Bus, Dirty Sanchez The Savants 7-4 they need to win one of their final two games OR have Santana's No Randy! TNT© lose one of their final two games*   REMAINING OPPONENTS: The Endzone Dancers, Jo-Boo's Browns Backers Dirty Sanchez 7-4 they need to win one of their final two games OR have Santana's No Randy! TNT© lose one of their final two games*   REMAINING OPPONENTS: Akili's All-Stars, Bullseye Santana's No Randy! TNT© 6-5 they need to win both of their final games AND have either The Endzone Dancers, Bullseye, The Savants, or Dirty Sanchez lose their final two games*    REMAINING OPPONENTS: The Funhouse Slaps, The Endzone Dancers The Funhouse Slaps 6-5 they have already clinched a playoff spot due to the league rule which mandates both conference runner-ups are guaranteed a Wild Card berth    REMAINING OPPONENTS: Santana's No Randy! TNT©, Akili's All-Stars The Fat Bus 4-7 they have been eliminated from the playoffs and will finish in 8th place (their worst finish ever)    REMAINING OPPONENTS: Bullseye, Team TBD Team TBD 2-9 they have been eliminated from the playoffs and look like a lock to finish in 9th place   REMAINING OPPONENTS: Jo-Boo's Browns Backers, The Fat Bus Jo-Boo's Browns Backers 0-11 they have been eliminated from the playoffs and look like a lock to finish in 10th place   REMAINING OPPONENTS: Team TBD, The Savants           * There is a possibility that Santana's No Randy! TNT© will win their final two games , The Endzone Dancers will lose their final two games, the other three Hair Conference teams will each win at least one of their final games AND at leat one of these three teams will lose one of their final two games. In this scenario, at least three teams from the Hair Conference will finish at the bottom of the conference with identical 8-5 win-loss records. At this point, applying the tiebreaker rules to determine playoff berths (and possibly the conference champion and/or runner-up) may become complex. In the event that the tiebreaker rules do not clearly identify final regular season positions when applied in the traditional manner (examining only two teams at a time), then the tiebreaker criteria will be applied to all relative teams simultaneously.   As always, there may be other scenarios that I have omitted from the above summary, but the basic needs of all teams fighting to make the playoffs are displayed.    Next week is huge for many teams. Good luck to you all!   The Commish