WEEK SEVEN REPORT     The Lip Conference took 3 of the 5 interleague games from the Hair Conference this week. Now, the Hair Conference leads the interleague series 8 games to 7. Remember, all five teams from the conference with the better interleague record win an extra $5. (In case of a tie, total points will determine which conference is the winner.)     Here is how this week's games ended, with a little snide commentary about each game from yours truly:     4th and Joey, NGL© demolished Up Your Butt Jo-Boo 121-55. 4th and Joey set a new '98 league record with biggest margin of victory, while improving to 4-3 on the year with their third consecutive victory. This was the third time 4th and Joey has scored over 115 points and proves that despite being only one game over .500, they are one of the favorites to go all the way this year. Conversely, Up Your Butt has proven they are one of the weaker teams in the league, and this loss severely damages their playoff chances. Note to league owners: Anytime you have to start Wesley Walls, Bryan Still, and Lamar Thomas at wide receiver - you can expect to lose that week.     P.O. Steve defeated Rais'n the Rueff by the score of 87-71. Rais'n the Rueff needed at least 30 points from QB Drew Bledsoe in the Monday night game to salvage a tie -or possibly win- but came up a bit short. Barry Sanders' 27 points were certainly wasted this week. With the loss, Rais'n the Rueff falls to 1-6 on the year and virtually out of playoff contention. I guess there are a couple of ways to look at this: First, you could say Rais'n the Rueff's magic number to make it to the postseason is six. A combination of Rais'n the Rueff wins or ties equalling six will get them into the playoffs. (Maximum number of ties is one; only six games remain on the year.) The other way to look at it is to say that teams who start players on a bye week (like WR Derrick Alexander) and players who are injured (like WR Yancey Thigpen) are not very likely to win fantasy football contests. I kind of prefer the former, it is a bit more taunting. There is one thing that still puzzles me however, and that is how in the world did Rais'n the Rueff decide to play Alexander at wide receiver? I mean, Rueff knew that RB Ricky Watters had a bye week and he knew that K Jason Elam had a bye week. Both players are on AFC West teams, which is the division that had their bye this week. But Alexander, who plays for Kansas City, also is on an AFC West team. Could Rueff have thought Alexander plays on an AFC Central team? Like perhaps the Baltimore Ravens? Hmmm.... maybe Greasy Willie could have helped.... P.O. Steve improves to 5-2 on the year and ties The Fat Bus and the Murph Killers for the best overall record. That is quite an improbable feat considering P.O. Steve is the second lowest scoring team in the league, but who am I to argue with the powers that be?      The Murph Killers defeated Scott's...Savants 90-69. The Murph Killers improve to 5-2 and took over the lead in the overall points standings. There's not much else you can say about the Murph Killers that hasn't been said for the past few years. They are like the Atlanta Braves of the fantasy football world. Always they are among the top couple of teams in overall scoring and winning percentage. Perhaps this is the year they can finally win it all. Scott's...Savants, on the other hand, continued their leagacy of bumbling player moves and idiotic roster foul-ups that have been associated with their team since Phillips' separated from half-owner O'Brien at the beginning of last year. This week, the Savants submitted their lineup on Saturday - a lineup that consisted of D/ST Detroit Lions. Persuant to league rules, this defense was ineligible due to the fact that Detroit played their game on Thursday. As a result, the Savants' starting defense from last week, the Denver Broncos, was substitued into their lineup. As we all know, Denver had a bye this week. After going 3-0, the Savants have lost 3 games and tied another. Anybody want to guess which week the Savants began trading players and started fiddling with the starting lineup?    The Fat Bus defeated Jo-Boo's Browns Backers by the score of 103-74. The Bus improves to 5-2 on the year, tied with the Murph Killers for the Lip Conference lead. The Bus benefited from a career day from WR Marvin Harrison and another solid day from their running back tandem of Garrison Hearst and Jamal Anderson. The Browns Backers lost their second straight game and fell from the top of the Hair Conference standings and the overall points standings. League owners have to wonder how long QB Steve Young can carry this team - as he has scored at least 30 points in every game he has started this year.     PPP: Gorilla Patch Junkies defeated T.T.M.F. Little Johnny by the score of 80-51. The Johnnies had WR Terry Glenn and K Adam Vinatieri playing in Monday's game, and needed a combined 34 points from the two to salvage a tie. They scored only five points. Hours before the game, the owner of the Junkies sent a message to the owner of the Johnnies which discussed the Monday night game and the status of their Week 7 matchup. As a bonus to league owners, I am including excerpts from the forementioned message: "I just read the updatetisimo and things don't look to good for you. If I was you I'd be praying that Glenn's skirt doesn't get in the way of him catching 15 for 300 [yards] and four touches [TDs]... I agree with the Tuna - he is a girl. Of course you may be able to relax during the Tuna Bowl if Viniateri has developed a cannon that can kick 60 yarders into the wind. Don't worry though. You can franchise them both and pick up some non Ohio State players to help you win next year." With the win, the Junkies come closer to making the playoffs, as they are now only a 1/2 game out, right behind Scott's...Savants - the team they play next week. The Johnnies fell to 2-5 on the year and their playoff chances are a bit dismal. Things get worse for them, as they have to play the Murph Killers next week.      We have passed the halfway point of the year, and the race to win the Hair Conference could not be any closer. The Lip Conference appears to have separated its contenders from its pretenders, but there is no guarantee that the six playoff teams that qualify will be half from each conference. Both wild cards could come from the same conference. So make sure evryone continues to turn in their lineups!    Taunt you later,    The Commish